Practicing self-love and compassion are key when it comes to mental health and well-being, as many psychological studies have shown. However, far too many people struggle with loving and accepting themselves due to the idea of "perfectionism" and unhealthy habits of comparison. This can include comparing your physical appearance, career, life experiences, financial situation, and achievements to those you are surrounded by. The reality is that every single person's life journey is different and there are far too many individual factors involved for comparison to actually make sense.
So, what does it actually mean to practice self-love? Firstly, it has absolutely nothing to do with narcism or having a "big ego". Rather, self-love is having a high regard for your well-being, accepting and appreciating yourself for who you are, and not settling for less than you deserve. It is taking care of yourself, being less self-critical, and practicing self-compassion.
Self-love is an extremely dynamic concept and can sometimes take time to master. It involves overcoming imperfections, shifting your mindset, growing from past actions or experiences, and finding meaning or purpose through what you truly value in life.
Why Striving for Perfectionism is Unhealthy
In a Western world, many people have grown up to aim high and strive to be perfect in multiple aspects of their lives - but this is simply unrealistic, because no one is perfect. In fact, perfectionism has been linked to a number of adverse health effects including a shorter lifespan, disordered eating, depression, fibromyalgia, and irritable bowel syndrome (among with others).
Happiness is something that everyone is entitled to, not something you must earn. With having a fundamental human goal of finding happiness, many people experience their own journey of self-acceptance and love. If this is a journey you are currently on, then it is important to remember that you are never alone and most people have also experienced their own battles with self-acceptance and finding pure appreciation within.
Ways to Practice Self-Love
There are endless ways that you can begin practicing more self-love and this is usually dependant on what aspect of your life requires that form of attention. For the purpose of this blog post, I thought I'd just include a few generic techniques as a beginning step to incorporating more self-love into your life.
1. Mindful self-compassion
There is an abundance of psychological literature that has shown support mindful self-compassion, which is usually structured as a program consisting of loving-kindness mediation, affectionate breathing techniques, repetition of mantras, and self-compassionate letter writing. Researchers tend to refer to this form of therapy as a way of being kind to yourself in the midst of suffering to encourage awareness and change. Mindful self-compassion is usually delivered by a specialist who is trained in the field.
2. Routine for self-care
Living a healthy lifestyle and having a set routine that benefits your mental and physical state can make all the difference to your overall well-being. Life can get incredibly busy, but having an consistent focus on nourishing your body with good food and exercise is extremely important. Having a routine during the hours of when you wake up and before you go to sleep can also benefit your sleeping pattern and ensure your body is getting the rest it needs in order to function properly throughout the day.
3. Set boundaries
Allowing yourself to turn down opportunities in work, relationships, or in your social life is also a form of self-love. Choose only to engage in those that will benefit you and don't be afraid to walk away from anything that is going to hurt you physically, emotionally or spiritually. Remember that saying no to something or setting limits is not an act of selfishness - it is your right as a free human being.
4. Learn to stay in your own lane
As I mentioned above, comparing yourself to others is an unrealistic pattern of thought, but can also be a habit that is difficult to overcome. When you begin to engage in this sort of behaviour, remind yourself that your journey is unique and try to focus on staying in your own lane. It is simply not logical to compare yourself to someone who is on a different life path to you.
5. Live intentionally
You will begin to accept and love yourself more when you are living with purpose and meaning in your life. You don't have to know your whole life purpose in order to do this, but as long as you have goals or certain intentions then you can begin to shape your life and make decisions based upon these. When you begin to accomplish what you have set out to do, life will feel good and so will the appreciation you have for yourself.
6. Forgive yourself and move on
Allow yourself to make mistakes, to experience moments of weakness, but most importantly, to learn and grow from them. Your humanness is the most beautiful thing about you - so let yourself just be human. Practice being less hard on yourself when something happens and more accepting of the journey you are on. Be kind, forgive, and move on!
Self-Love Affirmations
"I matter. Everyday I choose myself."
"I am proud of myself. I will continue to learn and grow."
"I don't need the opinions of others to validate who I am."
"I believe in myself and am worthy of my dreams."
"My body is beautiful and unique. I love ....., ....., ..... about me."
"I am at peace with all that has happened in my life."
"I respect my limitations and am thankful for everything I am able to accomplish."
I believe there is truth behind the quote "you can only love a person as much as you love yourself." When you begin to accept yourself for who you are, everything else will follow. Don't ever feel guilty about prioritising YOU. As soon as you start practicing more self-love, you will begin to attract people and circumstances that support your well-being and reflect how you see yourself. Remember, many of us are on this journey of self-love and acceptance together.
Until next time;
peace and love,
Tina